


Pavlovian effect

by StaishBlackRose



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Finale spoilers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know, It's Mainly, M/M, Nightmares, Requited Love, don't get your hopes up, foreboding doom?, i guess?, they are in love though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 12:51:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19251562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StaishBlackRose/pseuds/StaishBlackRose
Summary: This was enough, Suzaku told himself. This was enough to cherish in the long run, he convinced himself. A few weeks when he didn’t see the atrocities of the world, when he could hold his friend when he slept, could kiss him till their lips turned numb, could listen to his voice not maimed by the reality of their situation.





	Pavlovian effect

The body in his arms fluttered like a butterfly in a child’s hand. Sticky heat enveloped his gloved hand as the sword buried itself to the halt.

“Thank you.” Voice tinted with pain and weakness ghosted somewhere near, misting over the visor of the damned mask.

He felt the scream itching his throat but knew he had to suppress it. Not give himself away, now show his heartbreaking. Not to the crowd, not to the piercing lavender eyes. But the longer the moment lasted the harder it was and he felt himself suffocating as if the scream was literally stuck and he couldn’t breathe around it.

So no matter how hard he tried he let out a cough and with horror saw the blood splatter on the inside of the mask. He coughed up more and more of it till it started spilling down the purple suit and he heard gasps around. And worst of all he still couldn’t make a single breath.

Suzaku sat up on the bed, vigorously scratching his neck. But he soon realized that he could breathe normally now. He was not in the middle of the procession but in a dark bedroom where he spent the last month. The flow of the curtains was the only movement in the room. Suzaku blinked and stared at his hands. Just his hands. No blood-soaked gloves. He rubbed his face with the heels of his palms, wiping a wet trail away.

He saw variations of this dream every night since Lelouch told him about the plan. And the more thorough it became, the more details were thought through, the harder it was to tell the dream from the foreboding reality.

Suzaku looked to the side and chuckled silently. It would be logical to assume a borderline paranoid master-mind like Lelouch would be a very light sleeper, always on guard, ready to jolt awake at the tiniest noise that could possibly be a threat. But here he was, sleeping soundly, not paying any attention to the rapid movement just a few centimeters from him.

Suzaku moved away a bit so that the moonlight could lit the sleeping figure a bit more. For how long was this sight stolen from Suzaku? For way too long, he didn’t bother to count. Lelouch looked so fragile and ephemeral, almost glowing. He laid on his side, clutching the corner of a light blanket in his fist as if it could ground him while he was sleeping. Dark hair circled his head like a halo. The pale skin of his shoulders spotted with marks and bruises from the love-making a few hours ago.

This was enough, Suzaku told himself. This was enough to cherish in the long run, he convinced himself. A few weeks when he didn’t see the atrocities of the world, when he could hold his friend when he slept, could kiss him till their lips turned numb, could listen to his voice not maimed by the reality of their situation. It would be perfect if they could come out of this room together, ride together, stop by some small cafe and have breakfast together. But Suzaku knew better than ask for more when he already had enough.

Still, it was just a mere projection of what could be. Of how they could be together if there was no war, no death, no politics and conspiracies, no past haunting them, no future terrifying and beautiful. Suzaku shook his head, shooing the thought away. That’s why they were doing it. So that people would stop living in such illusions and fear. That there would not be another person like Suzaku at that moment, looking at the closest person he had in the entire world who he would say his farewell to soon.

Suzaku sighed and swung his legs off the bed. He wanted to go and have a glass of water as he always did. It made the phantom itch in his throat disappear completely till the next nightmare.

Long fingers wrapped around his wrist, pulling him back. Suzaku turned around.

“Where are you going every night?” Lelouch didn’t open his eyes but perked his head from the pillow.

“Nowhere. I’m just thirsty. I’ll be right back.” Suzaku reassured him, patting his hand and standing up.

He walked over to a small table in the corner of the room to pour himself a glass of water with his back to the bed. He heard Lelouch move behind him and when Suzaku turned around he was looking at him attentively. Suzaku smiled at him, it was harder not to. Treacherous genius hated by the world with pillow creases on puffy cheeks and hickeys all over his shoulders.

“You are not sleeping well.” He said, voice hoarse from sleep and maybe from a few hours ago.

“You can’t blame me for that.” Suzaku downed the whole glass and it did help the annoying feeling in his throat. Just psychosomatic, he thought.

“Come back here.”

Suzaku obediently crawled onto the bed and laid his head in Lelouch’s lap.

“I know I’m giving you a hard fate but...”

“Please, stop. I don’t... I don’t wanna discuss it now. We have our daily plan run-throughs. You can tell me then.”

“Fine.” Long fingers dug into his scalp. “But if there is a way to help you sleep I’m willing to know and I will do everything it takes.”

“Tell me you love me.” Suzaku looked up at Lelouch taken aback by the sudden request.

“I lo...”

“And make me believe everything is going to be alright. That we are going to be alright.”

Lelouch looked back at him agape, eyes wide and glittering in the moonlight. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he spoke:

“Have you ever heard of the Pavlovian effect? It was an experiment by a Russian physiologist. Basically, he studied reflexes and how the continuous repetition of certain actions can lead to bodily involuntary reactions. Later it was proven that such a method works in psychology too.”

Suzaku closed his eyes lulled by the quiet tale. Cool fingers massaged his head and the illusion felt as real as it could get. Blindly he found Lelouch's other hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Suzaku. Look at me.”

He did. He sat up next to him, not letting go of his hand.

“Every time I do this,” Lelouch put his hand on his cheek, cupping it gently, “know that it means I love you and it’s going to be alright, you are doing everything right.”

“Understood.” Suzaku covered his hand with his.

“Promise me. Every time.” There was a wrinkle between Lelouch’s eyebrows now. The resolution set in his features. “No matter what.”

“I swear, your Majesty.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to get this out of my system
> 
> But I also wanted it to be cute and to just give them a moment of happiness HOW DID I FUCK THAT UP???
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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